Portland, OR

Believe it or not, most writers supplement their incomes working in restaurants. It’s easy and quick cash, and allows us plenty of time to write. And writers don’t make that much writing, and somehow we must make money to buy our laptops and internet service, right?

I have bartended and waited tables on and off for years, through college and beyond. It is a somewhat addictive lifestyle that some of us actually enjoy. I fell into that category…that is, until I moved to Portland.

For anyone out there that is thinking about either a) getting a part-time restaurant gig in PDX or b) moving to Portland and getting a restaurant job as their main source of income — BEWARE.

I have worked in five restaurants in the last fifteen months. I “opened” three of those restaurants, meaning that I was hired before the restaurant opened its doors and was part of the opening staff. At least, two of those restaurants are now closed. I write “at least” because a third may have closed. I haven’t checked on it since I left it after two weeks of being open with absolutely no business. A fourth restaurant was struggling to stay open, so truthfully, it may have also closed its doors.

Now granted, the current economy has not helped, but I am going to piss some people off by saying that the Portland restaurant scene is like amateur hour.

I know, I know, you want to say how great our restaurants are, and I won’t argue with you. We have some good chefs and great local product. Dining here is rather unpretentious, and at times very affordable. Portland has a good restaurant scene if you are a diner.

However, if you are a restaurant professional, and I use that term loosely, you can never be too sure about your next paycheck or night’s tip.

For example, I opened a very high-end place this last May/June. It supposedly had a lot of money behind it, enough that it could operate at a loss for quite some time, as the restaurant waited until it generated enough sales to cover its seemingly astronomical operating expenses. The place just announced last week it was shutting its doors and closed down three days later. As I am no longer with that company (thank goodness for many other reasons in addition to its abrupt end), I have no idea what will happen to its 60+ employees, and I feel very sorry for the staff. They put in an inordinate amount of work for six long, underpaid months, only to be told two weeks before Xmas that they would no longer have a job. I hope that the corporate overlords gave them all a nice severance package, but as it is the restaurant biz, I highly doubt it.

Another restaurant I opened last winter shut down after two months. At the time, I had to take a leave of absence for a family matter, and I was not dependent on that income, thankfully, but again, a large staff was told with very little warning that they were out of work. The saddest part was that this restaurant was part of the Hayden empire, and a few other restaurants were shut down by the financing company (or so I heard) at the same time. More hard-working restaurant people out of work.

I don’t quite get it. Does Portland give people delusions of grandeur in thinking that if they build it, people will eat there? Restaurants are notoriously bad businesses if you want to make a lot of money. The profit margins are small. Unless it is your true and absolute passion, don’t open a restaurant. It’s a money-sucking bitch goddess that will leave you and your bank account dry.

Sadly, waiter and waitresses get sucked into what becomes a mass delusion. They are told about how much money they will make, and how well the business is going to be, only to realize soon enough that they have been suckered into taking a minimum wage job with no future past a few months. And then the vicious cycle will start again with the next job.

It does however seem like a (fool’s) paradise for restaurant consultants. When a restaurant is failing, a consultant is inevitably called in, to little or no avail. But they still get paid, and move onto the next failing business to not help.

But to all my restaurant-employed or potentially-employed brethren, I urge you to watch out when hired at a place in this town. Very few restauranteurs seem to know what they are doing in this town (more so than many other places I have lived and worked). Luckily, I found a pretty good place right now for a night or two a week. The owners are saavy, and besides that I like them. Unfortunately, the economy is soooo bad, that tips are harder to come by through no fault of the establishment. Time for a dreaded day job…or grad school.

Portland, restaurants, dining, jobs, business, restauranteur, consultant, corporate, bartending, waiting tables, waiters, waitresses

My standard response to the inevitable “How’s Portland” question from my non-Oregon-dwelling friends is “It’s clean.” I stand by that remark, for the most part, as this city is pretty clean when it comes to litter. However, my mind got to thinking and I pulled up the scorecard website. And really, Portland is not all that clean…

If you are not down with Scorecard.org, it could be one of your favorite sites or a rather nightmarish experience. It depends on whether you are the sort of person that wants to know things, or believes that ignorance is bliss.

Scorecard tracks environmental pollution. All businesses are required to file a Toxic Release Inventory to the Environmental Protection Agency, and TRI’s are an important source for Scorecard among other sources.

Anyhoo, I plugged in my zipcode of 97202.

Portland, Oregon ranks among the top 20% of dirtiest/worst counties. In total environmental releases, cancer risk score, non-cancer risk score, and in air releases of recognized carcinogens, Portland (I plugged in six or seven different zip codes, and they all came back the same ranking) ranks in the 80-89th percentiles among all US counties. Multnomah County ranks in the 90th to 100th percentiles among counties in number of air releases of recognized reproductive toxicants. Some good news is that Multnomah only ranks in the 70’s for air releases of recognized developmental toxicants.

See, I told you this could be nightmarish.

However, if I choose the Clackamas County portion of 97202, then the numbers are very different.

So, some good news there, I guess.

For fun, I plugged in some other zip codes from other major metropolitan areas of the country.

I chose 90037, which is in the middle of the Los Angeles Sprawl. Dirtier than Portland.

How about somewhere in the middle of Houston, Texas? That is a notoriously dirty city. Across the board in the 90-99th percentile. Dirtier than Portland.

Hm, let’s try a similarly sized city, and a West Coast city. Bakersfield, California is a bit bigger than Portland. Bakersfield’s score is a mixed bag, slightly worse in total releases and cancer and non-cancer risk, but better in recognized toxicants released into the air.

I know, I will pick my old zip code in Chicago, 60622. Just like Houston. Glad I moved.

And get this, I tried NYC, because I always have problems with my asthma as soon as I arrive there. It’s got to be dirty, right?

I chose 10016, Lower East Side of Manhattan. Quite clean. But then I tried Queens county, and it is still pretty clean. What is up? Newark has to be bad, right? Nope.

Huh, guess I will stop telling everyone how clean it is here.

pollution, Portland, Oregon, clean, toxicants, air releases, cancer, risk, toxic release inventory, EPA, scorecard, Multnomah, Clackamas, Los Angeles, Houston, New York City, NYC, Newark, Bakersfield, Chicago, Queens

It is true that I am a nerd that enjoys the study of nature and all of its creatures, and part and parcel of living in Portland, Oregon is enjoying nature. So today, I will bring you the fruit of my research and study. I like bad things, dangerous things, and poisonous things, so today I bring you…

Giant Hogweed — Friend to Neither Skin Nor Eyes

The Giant Hogweed is hard to miss. It can grow taller than you and I. Here’s a picture from the King County, Washington website.

It kinda looks like a Queen Anne’s lace that grew outside a nuclear power plant, doesn’t it?

Giant Hogweed is a member of the carrot and parsley family, believe it or not. I have to wonder how deep the root grows, if it is more like carrots than parsley, but it looks more like parsley, so maybe it doesn’t have a large taproot. According to Wikipedia (which I hate using but come on, its so easy sometimes to write stuff without proper documentation — but this is a plant we are talking about, so the information is probably just fine), giant hogweed has tuberous roots, like a potato, so maybe it is more like a carrot after all.

Oregon counties where giant hogweed has been found.

Like some invasive species, giant hogweed was brought to Europe by the British and their fondness for flora. The giant hogweed soon escaped, because if you will notice the flowerheads, the plant gives itself an advantage to multiply by producing anywhere from 50,000 to 100,000 seeds. And those seeds can survive for up to 15 years, so even if you think you have destroyed the mother plant, new babies can give you headaches for years to come.

Now, what is really all that bad about giant hogweed, you may be asking youself, it’s kind of pretty, and definitely interesting. Well, yes, it is kind of pretty and interesting, but it is also poisonous. Not that you’d eat giant hogweed, but the plant manufactures this toxic sap, that can irritate your skin. But the best part is that if sunlight hits the sap-kissed skin, the irritation will turn into painful, burning blisters that can leave purple scars that can last for years. Neat.

Oh, and if the sap gets in your eyes, you can go blind. Yeah, super. Not so pretty now, huh?

noxious weed, invasive species, poisonous, giant hogweed, carrot, parsley, Portland, Oregon, British, Europe, toxic, toxicity, plants, weeds, sap, skin irritation, blisters, blindness

Seriously.

Some days, I choose to look at Portland through an anthropologist’s lens, and something that is becoming increasingly clear to me is how ubiquitous the Apple iPhone has become. And in a fairly disturbing way. Is it that the price has come down, because that is what caused the crack epidemic in the ’80’s. A cheaper way to get a cocaine high and voila, the inner city is decimated. I’m being glib, of course, but it must have something to do with the now suddenly semi-affordable iPhone. It must.

In that, I am speaking of iPhone addiction.

Yeah, I know the picture thing is cool, but I still don’t really feel like looking at your pictures. And I can pull up the same information on my ol’ regular cellphone web browser that you can, too. Oh, wait, I do not feel the need to google something in the middle of our conversation. That said, iphones are becoming a nuisance, an invasive species that is choking out conversation.

I work in a restaurant, and I cannot begin to tell you how many people at tables, with other people, spend most of their meal, not talking with their companions, but instead peering myopically down at their iphone.

And there is something in that, too. All iphone users seem to huddle over the device, inwardly craning their bodies as if trying to squeeze themselves in their new BFF. Or instead caving into the need for constant email connectivity.

It’s ok to be offline. It’s ok to be a phone call away instead of instantly at someone’s command to read and respond to their every communicative desire.

That is what phones are for. Texting is great, too, I am all for texting. But we all need to unplug from our new tamagotchis. The iPhone won’t die if you don’t play with it.

apple, iphone, iphones, Portland, addiction, cell phones, cocaine, google, invasive species, tamagotchis

I honestly don’t know what McCain was thinking, saying that he had important work to do in Washington, with the financial “crisis” — considering he has admitted as much as not knowing anything about said economy, but whatev. He has decided to grace us with his attendance at the first Presidential Debate tonight in Oxford, Mississippi.

Anyhoo, I did get an email from the Obama campaign with an invite to join others in watching the debate, a “debate watching party” as it were. One, it is best if I watch things like a presidential debate by myself as I am very obnoxious when it comes to politics. Luckily, I have a boyfriend that either enjoys my rants or tunes them out effectively. Two, I have to work. And that brings me to the point of today’s post.

Besides, writing and teaching, I also work in a restaurant. It is good for me as it gets me out of the house and off my computer, but also I get to spend time with adults. Well, relatively speaking. Restaurant people can be in a sort of “arrested development” in terms of what a lot of people call “real jobs”, but most restaurant industry people are fairly committed to their craft. No matter here though, as I have a bit of a gripe with the Federal Elections Commission for scheduling a debate on a Friday night.

Let’s look at this from an economic point of view. Friday nights are a big night for restaurants across the country. So to schedule a debate on a Friday night is rather foolish, as you may run the risk of cutting into a small business’ go-to night. Not only that but with the debate scheduled for 9pm EST, which is 8pm Central (the time zone for Mississippi), it underscores the “shaft” that we West Coasters get time and time again when it comes to television programming.

At 9pm, plenty of people have plenty of time to get a meal at their favourite restaurant and then go home or to someone else’s home to watch what may turn out to be a very interesting debate. 8pm, sure, you still have time for an early bite. But once you hit the Mountain and Pacific time zones, you are cutting into what is considered prime time for the restaurant biz.

That is reflected in the reservation book of “my” restaurant. Sure, you could say that once the debate is over, people will go out for a meal and a drink. But once you watch the debate, and then the tireless commentary that will no doubt follow, how many people are going to head out to a sit-down restaurant, after all the snacks and booze that will be served at those “debate watching parties?” I’m sure that there will be some, but I am more sure that tonight will be a slow night for restaurants in Portland. I could say the same for restaurants all along the West Coast, but I am not entirely sure how other cities view the importance of politics. Portland is a politically active city, so I am simply surmising about Portland right now. True, it is a rather historic and entertaining election season, but I just don’t know how many people actually plan their lives around presidential debates.

Personally, I will watch the repeats of the debate on CNN. For anyone else who refuses to let NBC decide their Friday night, CNN is airing repeats at both 9pm and 12am.

McCain, presidential debate, Oxford, Mississippi, Obama, restaurant industry, restaurants, business, financial, economy, small business, Federal Elections Commission, West Coast, Pacific Time Zone, Mountain Time Zone, Portland, NBC, CNN

A friend of mine, an almost recent transplant from Salt Lake City, told me an alarming tale. She had flipped her mattress found spots of mold on the side that had been on a floor. She scrubbed the spots with bleachy water, and decided to keep the mattress off the floor now. She’s 28, and finally bought her first bed frame when she found the mold. She joked that she’s finally an adult. No more college decor schemes using cinder blocks, either.

This isn’t my friend’s place. I just really dig this picture. Gross.

Anyway, it underscores the problem of mold, a spore-borne growth, in our homes. Some of us are quite sensitive to our little green, orange, and black friends, and my friend reported that she had been really lethargic lately and prone to sleeping all day, uncommon for her normally.

Personally, I cannot breathe out of my nose due to severe congestion, and I have totally lost my sense of smell since moving here to Portland. Also, when I moved here, I ended up in the hospital within ten days of my arrival due to a severe asthma attack (not having health insurance, the most awesome people at Legacy Good Samaritan took excellent and generous care of me — another post, another day). So yeah, I would think it is safe to say that Portland has it’s fair share of allergens.

My last summer in Chicago was also a tough time for me and my nose. I pretty much stayed inside an air-conditioned apartment for an entire summer. Lame. My doc there said that a mild winter failed to kill off the molds and the counts were astronomical that summer. Super.

Well, guess what? I moved to Portland, and it is always a mild winter that fails to kill off molds. If I am wrong about that, please correct me. I am simply using logic to develop this hypothesis.

When I look back on my life, I see a pattern. I lived in Southern California, twice, for a touch less than a year each time. I didn’t like it the first time, but thought maybe it was just my bad attitude, so tried it a second time — no, it just sucks. But one thing I never had a problem with while residing in that dry Mediterranean-like climate were allergies nor did I have any issues with my asthma. Even on the really smoggy days, but then I lived in the hills, close to the Pacific, and most of the smog seemed to settle inland in the valleys.

No matter. I am not moving back to SoCal. Ever. Ever.

I really love Portland, don’t get me wrong, but come on with the mold and fungi and lichen and moss everywhere. It is really, really lush here. Is that why my darn allergies are crazy here?

I did meet someone recently who told me that she had bad allergies for her first year here and then got over them…so maybe I just need to be patient. Or move closer to the ocean…

mold, spores, fungal growth, allergies, asthma, Portland, Oregon, Chicago, Southern California, Pacific

I have noticed that an inordinate amount of people my age and younger in Portland do not either own a TV or subscribe to cable.

WTF?

Seriously, I understand that most, if not all television pretty much sucks, but come on, television is one of those things that we all watch and rely on as a common denominator. I mean, sometimes I will watch a show just to see what it is in case I come across a trivia question about it in the future. It’s called Pop Culture, people! Hell, I even watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy just to how much it sucked, and boy, did it.

I am one of those people that loves TV. And I don’t mean that I love what is on TV for the most part, but just the whole idea, process and culture of TV. For goodness sake, I majored in film and television studies, so I think I had better find some sort of enjoyment in television, even if only on an academic level.

So, to the young people of Portland, television can be a wonderful thing. Have you watched Science Channel? SciFi channel? Cartoon Network?! What about PBS? Even if you think you are too good to watch the usual television shows, you have to tune in for an occasional Frontline or Nature or Charlie Rose.

I tend to like to talk TV as well, and it is so frustrating to me when I bring up last night’s Project Runway (SOOO HAPPY that ever-whiny Keith is gone, btw), and the person I am trying to talk to says, “Oh, I don’t watch TV.” It’s like them saying I don’t care about the collective experience of living in the age of mass media. I think that some people see it as a badge of “coolness” to not watch TV. Those people are lame, if you ask me. How can you not be curious about commerical entertainment, even as an exercise in studying the medium?

Also, I do suspect that some of those non-TV-watchers are lying to me. Trying to appear as though they are “above” it. You know the type…they only listen to obscure bands, and try to make you feel like a soccer mom if you admit you have never heard of that band that only has an EP out anyway. I am sure that those hipsters (god, I hate that term as much as I hate the uniform of tight jeans and graphic faux-80’s t-shirts they all wear) have watched American Idol, but are too worried about admitting it and losing their street cred.

Disclaimer: I do know some people that simply cannot afford to get cable, and therefore they are excluded from my rant. They at least watch TV via the web or get the DVDs through Netflix.

TV, television, Portland, cable, pop culture, Science Channel, SciFi, Cartoon Network, PBS, Frontline, Nature, Charlie Rose, Project Runway, American Idol, Netflix, Grey’s Anatomy

This is one of those little things that maybe would have been nice to know before moving to Portland.

There are a LOT of spiders here.

I cannot get close enough to get a good picture of the myriad spiders in my yard/house, but I found this picture as a representation of the spider that lives out my my pumpkin patch.

Hi, scary.

Now, I have come to terms with my own mild arachnophobia, so the spider population here does not bother me so much, per se. I still don’t especially like spiders, but I appreciate the little guys and girls. I mean, come on, Charlotte’s Web taught us that spiders are beneficial and great at PR work, so what’s not to love?

This spider thing was a bit off-putting when I first settled here. And it wasn’t even so much seeing the spiders everywhere, it was the constant walking through spider webs. Seriously, it drives me crazy. I hate the icky way it feels, but then you have the issue of whether or not that spider, whose home you just destroyed, is now on your person and looking for vengeance.

For those of you reading this that are starting to get the willies, it does get easier as you and your new spider friends find each other’s comfort zones. You see, I cannot kill a spider. Okay, that is a lie, I killed a small, pure white spider that came in on some hydrangeas, but only because I had never seen a pure white spider and frankly, it scared the shit out of me. I panicked. And my mom wasn’t here to save me. True story: I spent my childhood (and into my 20’s, I won’t kid myself) waking my mother up in the middle of the night to rescue me from spiders in the downstairs bathroom of our walk-out ranch style house. That’s the real downfall of the walk-out ranch. Bugs find it that much easier to enter the lower portion of the house as they have doors and windows through which to enter rather than finding some crack to sneak in through.

Portland, Oregon, spiders, arachnophobia, Charlotte’s Web

Something about Portland is starting to bothering me. There seems to be a secret pact among employers here to give preference to Portlanders and Oregonians when hiring.

Prove me wrong, children, prove me wrong.

A little bit about me. I have lived in a lot of places and never have I had as much trouble finding viable employment, but since I have been in Portland, I have been struggling to find a decent job. I applied at a photography studio as a production coordinator (my last full-time job before I moved), and after two interviews, I didn’t even get a call back thanking me for coming in, twice. That is a little impolite, regardless of whether or not I was the best person for the job. Come on, at least call the job seeker back to let them know. I waited two weeks before giving up on that one.

I interviewed for a bartending job recently and the owner of the bar/restaurant told me that my “weakness” was that I had never bartended in Portland before. Considering the service I seem to get at most bars (Jeffrey at Kay’s is the exception), how is not having Portland experience a “weakness?” If I were running a bar here, I would welcome new Portlanders, but then, after two bartending gigs in this town, I can officially say that Portland has killed my fondness for tending bar. Making drinks used to be fun until I started doing it in PDX.

Let that be a warning to all of you service industry pros: Portland is a different beast entirely. I have started referring to it as “amateur night.” If my employer isn’t expecting me to wear a halter top and more make up, they seem to be more concerned about saying they are a manager rather than managing.

But I digress…again.

As a new Portland resident, I do just want to address the nepotism and Oregon-native-preferential hiring practices. You know, I didn’t move out here just to take a job away from an Oregon-native. My boyfriend got a job, and I followed him because I like him. Does that make me any less qualified for a position?

A Portlander told my boyfriend that it takes a good two years to get established here. I have been here for nine months and four jobs later, I am still searching for a job that doesn’t objectify my femaleness or dick me around otherwise. I am frustrated, to say the least. But hey, I am hoping to start grad school soon, so wish me luck in getting accepted at Lewis and Clark. Maybe my University of Michigan education will finally pay off. (Side note: A bachelors degree is not enough, and not looked at any more favorably than a high school diploma. A shame.)

So, to all of you thinking about moving to Portland, Oregon, or those of you struggling like me to find your niche, it may take a while. Be prepared for that.

Portland, Oregon, hiring, jobs, seekers, nepotism, bartending, production coordinator, Lewis and Clark